I never know how to start these stinkin' blogs. I feel like I should hook you with something catchy, but WE FOUND A HOUSE!! YAY!!
We've been up and back from Seattle for Micah's job quite a bit lately. And every time, we try to squeeze in some appointments to look for rentals. And every time, I come home so depressed! The houses that we were looking at were soo crappy! We did find one that could have worked, but Micah was super grossed out by the kitchen (I was too, I just think paint fixes everything). It was super grimy (to the touch...ew.). The fridge was in this sawed out hole in the wall of what must have been the pantry, and sat about 2 feet up off of the floor with a big ol' creepy gap above it (it looked like mice, rats and spiders would be very comfy up there). But, it had a pool AND a hot tub, which was a huge selling point for my kiddos (and me, to be honest). But, it was so green and full of algae, that if they jumped (or fell) in, we'd never see them again! What is up with me and loving gross old houses? Because I really do. This house was like ours BEFORE all the work we did on it. Micah talked me out of that one, though. And it was the only one I kind of liked. After that, we went on to look at 4 more. 2 of which were still occupied by tenants. Here's a little tidbit: When people are renting, they don't clean up before people come to look through. Why would they? So, we found ourselves climbing over people's boxes and laundry to poke around THEIR house. It was really quite awkward. But, what makes it depressing is coming home to my own house after those unsuccessful house hunts. It brings up all those feelings of giving everything up. And I have to make that choice all over again. It's hard and it's depressing.
In fact, when we got back from this particular trip, I had a little melt down. I was done looking for houses. I was done trying to move. I was done giving up everything in my life and, at the time I was done being in ministry. It is too hard. But, don't worry. It doesn't end there. I say these things, then God does some stuff in me to help me see things a little more clearly.
As I was throwing in the towel, it hit me again how stinkin' wishy washy I am. Just 2 days before, as we were stressing about money for kid's clothes, etc., a friend of ours just showed up at the door with a little gift that his father-in-law (who we don't really know that well) wanted to give us. There is no question that that is God's provision. Because we've seen God work like this over and over again. And I am first to give God credit for these provisions. But, I am also so quick to forget when times get really frustrating. I had just shared this little story with someone Sunday morning, and by Sunday night was throwing in the towel on ministry. That's a problem. And it made me realize that I've made this transition harder on myself. I've not pursued my relationship with God, I've let it go. I can't help but think that had I remembered how He has shown up every time we've needed something, then when times got really frustrating and hard I would have that to hold on to, to remember, and to look for. I just chose not to remember. And that filled this transition with a whole heck of a lot of doubt and questioning rather than just waiting and getting to see how God works this stuff out.
A couple of years ago, I went through this little thing called focused living. It's pretty intense. I spent 3 days with 5 women in a hotel room going through this program in which you write down your whole life line on sticky notes with every memory you can remember, good or bad. Then you put those in order, along with some other stuff, and you see God's thumbprint on your life, what your gifts might be and how God might want to shape your future. Anyways, that's the super tiny nutshell version...not the point. The point is, going through that was the first time that I felt OK with who God had made me. Because he had a purpose for me, and I didn't have to be any one else. The way He shaped my life was specific to a purpose he had given me. I think that He created me to be a little goofy and wild, a little "outside the box", a "loose cannon" (as Micah says), for the purpose that He's laid out for both Micah and I. What does this have to do with anything? While I was going through my little tantrum and wanting to throw in the towel, I had 2 very good friends going through focused living at the same time. Both of which came over, and both of which God used to remind me of the purpose he's given me and how fortunate I am to live out that purpose with Micah.
Maybe some of you are feeling sorry for Micah right now? Because I'm so wishy washy? And sometimes don't want to do churchy stuff anymore? You probably should. I did. I realized too, that every time I threaten to quit, it's a blow to him and not only his career choice, but the life that God has called him to. Its like saying I no longer want to support what he is doing, and he can go it alone. And that was never the wife I intended to be. Micah is my best friend. I love that guy so stinkin' much and have the utmost respect for the man and the leader that he is to me, to my family and to the people around him. He is amazing. And, for whatever reason, he loves me and is incredibly patient with me. I think that God allowed me to be hit pretty hard with the truth of what my words might do to Micah's heart. And it made me sad. But, it also gave me hope. Because I see now what I am doing and the hurt that I am causing. But I am more hopeful because my God is a God that you can come back to and start over with...and so is my husband. Just so you all know, in case you're worried about us...don't be. Or do be. At least be worried enough to continue to pray for us. I think that Satan would love to yoink us apart. And, apparently I'm an easy target.
ANYWHO! Back to the house thing. Yes. We found one. After "the meltdown" we went back up to go house hunting 2 days later. After being frustrated every time we had been looking, we prayed and asked God for some clarity. And KaBLAM. The first house we looked at was hopeful and really quite beautiful. There were so many things that were perfect for our family...a huge kitchen (all 5 of us cook together sometimes and it gets kinda crowded), 4 bedrooms (the boys can't share a room...they're like oil & water), off of the interurban trail that runs from Everett through Seattle (we run...and bike), new construction (no fix ups!), and across the cul de sac from a Wetlands area! Looks like we're moving in November 1! Woohoo.
As far as what's up with the sale of our house, can we catch up next blog? It's a long story and a total pain in my bumcakes.