...just an update

Hi.

It's been a while, I know. So, I just thought I'd give you all a little update on what's been going on up here!

I guess we are mostly settled (after 5 months), but I've been surprised at how hard this transition has been! I thought (and told some of you) that my family loves change and is quite adaptable...I guess I was going off of the 2 previous moves that we made. The first when I was pregnant with my first child (technically he didn't make that move since his little womb-room moved with him). And the second (we moved from East Vancouver to West Vancouver) when my oldest two were 2 and 3 years old. Yeah. Transition was super easy back then. But, we all love change (for the most part), so that's what I was going off of. What I've been in the process of discovering, though? Transition is very different when you yoink your kids out of school, decide to start homeschooling a 4th, 6th and 7th grader (this was a decision made from circumstances and convenience, by the way...not a huge life conviction. Just in case you were wondering.) and discover that you are now totally responsible for their educational, emotional, physical and social well being!

I have come to realize that nothing can break your heart like your own children. I'm not really an overly emotional person, (I get stressed out and have laughing attacks) but I have found myself crying more in the last 5 months than I probably have in our 14 years of marriage. It's one thing to feel lonely. It is quite another to see your children struggle through it, to feel responsible for it and at the same time helpless to do anything about it! It's been hard and it's been lonely...for all of us.

HOWEVER!! There is a light at the end of this gloomy thought. As I mentioned earlier, we are settling in. We are adjusting! We now know where to grocery shop and where to find stuff. And we are having fun exploring the fun stuff around Seattle. My kiddos have slowly started making some friends, but it is such a process! It makes me realize how I had taken the friendships that they have had since baby-hood for granted. And, I'm not going to lie. They are going to a public school for homeschooled kids and there are a LOT of super dorky kids there. Picture a homeschooled kid...high water jeans, dirty, orthotics-looking white tennis shoes, messy hair...Yep. That's what the majority of them look like. I came out of the shower one morning and heard my boys fighting...and that was the insult of choice. One was crying because the other one said "you look like a homeschool kid". To which I told them. "You all look like homeschool kids! You are all being homeschooled right now!" Anyways. I know I'm being all superficial right now. Sorry. But, I probably won't erase it. I'm just trying to paint a picture of a bit of the culture shift my kids are dealing with...

Anywho, Hannah was so excited when she came home from painting one day and told us that a girl there had invited her to her youth group! (And, I can't even tell you how relieved I felt!!) Zeke has met friends in musical theater (which, I'm not going to lie...scares me a little), and EJ gets to beat up a kid with a mullet (bordering on "skullet") in Martial Arts (just kidding...he doesn't beat him up. He just kicks and "HiYAH!"'s on him)...Over all, though, I think having a regular schedule and the opportunities to connect with other kids, no matter how different from us, has helped them feel settled and hopeful. They are such happy little people...really.

So, now that we are somewhat settled, I DID end up getting what we call my "moving" strep. It's a strep throat I seem to get only when we move! But, this time it was kind of a blessing! I mean, it super sucked having strep and a super high fever and all of that, but there were some great things that came out of it. First of all, we may have found a DR. (or at least a clinic) that we thought was pretty great! And that ALSO makes us feel a little more settled. Second of all, when I went in to get checked out for strep, they discovered that I was anemic. I guess it was pretty bad (according to the nurse...my numbers were horrible and I didn't even have stored iron. I guess usually you have backup iron?) Anywho, it was bad. Now...a month later. I am so surprised at how many symptoms I had that were "lack-of-iron" related! I won't go into all of the details (as it's pretty boring), but I would have never guessed that dizziness, confusion, depression or a weird heartbeat would be related to iron...but it was! I had been thinking that I was feeling depressed or tired because of the transition! (seriously, there were a lot of mornings where I struggled to even get out of bed) And I thought dizziness and a weird heartbeat were because of high blood pressure or something...oops. And confusion, well...we'll see if that's any better next Costco or Winco trip. OH! And the biggie. I was always crunching ice AND I wanted to lick the sidewalks or eat dirt. Turns out, they're all symptoms of an iron deficiency! (Which is good because I was starting to scheme about how I could sneak a couple nibbles of dirt here and there...seriously. I had a craving.) And one more bonus...since taking iron, I've shaved almost 2 minutes per mile off of my running time! So, yeah. I am grateful for that little bout with strep. Because in the long run, it seems to have turned things around for all of us.

We really are hopeful for the future. We really like where we are living and are excited to explore more of it in the Spring and Summer! As for what is happening with planting the church...we're going to need a whole new blog. Stay tuned!

Whoa. This got deep...

WARNING!! WARNING!! THIS ONE MIGHT GET DEEP! I INVITED MICAH TO PITCH IN, AND WHOOTEEE...HE DID!! SO, PULL UP A HUNK OF COUCH AND A BEER (or a glass of vino or a mug of tea) AND SIT DOWN WITH ME FOR A WHILE (you know, if you want to)...

I've been wrestling with the idea of church. As some of you may know, we are kind of "in the business" of church. So, I guess some thinking about it would be good. The problem is, as I think about it, I'm not sure we're doing it right. We come in and hang out with some peeps (usually the ones we know and are comfortable talking to), pour a cup of coffee (because we're post-modern so coffee in church is all the rage), go sit in our seat (sometimes the same seat every week...and if anyone else sits there it almost visibly puts us into a tail spin!), we sing some songs (sometimes led by a good band, sometimes a quite mediocre/ teetering on sucky band...ok, honestly, sometimes the band just sucks and its too distracting to worship but we raise our hands anyway and try to get into it), listen to a "message" (which sometimes is filled with so much "and all God's people said...?" and "Can I hear an Amen?" 's that it makes me a little crazy....I'm pretty sure I'm one of God's people, but I never know how to fill in the blank. "I don't know...what did God's people say? Woot?"), then we end and leave (sometimes to find our car smashed in the parking lot without a note...that happened to us last week. I just thought I'd add that in. It's ok to laugh). Let me tell you, sitting beside someone who might be coming to church for the first time, you pick up on the little things that might make them uncomfortable! How ARE they supposed to know what all God's people said? I had a friend lean over to me during worship and ask why everyone was raising their hands. I think we get so comfortable with our churchy selves that we forget to see how church would look to a fresh set of eyes. I think it would look pretty weird. But, I think we're comfy. I think we've been misled for the last couple of hundred years that there is a formula to follow, and as long as you're following that, you're good. You've done your duty, and someone's life might be changed along the way. I'm wondering how much life change is happening in our churches anymore, or if its becoming our excuse for complacency during the rest of the week. But the fact is, why would someone wander into these churches? And what would church have to offer them? The church has been following the same "formula" for hundreds of years, but culture is in constant change...it's time for "church" to grab a clue and change along with it!

So, here's what I'm wrestling with: given all that, I'm tempted to think that in order to make a difference, or the ONLY way to make a difference is to start new and fresh. To say "screw this", leave "church" as we know it, and forge our own way. To some extent, that is what we need to do. However, I was hit with this thought today. What the church really needs is for those of us with a desire for change to STAY and change. To allow the church to see a revolution beginning within its own walls. It only takes a couple of people with a vision to start a revolution. And shouldn't that revolution be started in the middle of the people around us who have become complacent? To inspire people who are comfortable to step outside of that comfort zone? Can you imagine the impact if we start a revolution where a spark can trigger a fire? Where people who have the skills and resources can be inspired and encouraged to do something DIFFERENT than they are used to! To those brave visionaries out there: GO!! Start a revolution! But don't hide what you are doing away from those who need to learn from you: the people that fill our churches. You could be that spark that lights a fire under those bums filling the pews, and rescues our churches from the complacent state it's in!

Oddly enough, Micah and I were thinking the same thing when I started to write this blog and I invited him to chime in. Here's Micah:

We can be certain that continuing in complacency, continuing the same traditional approaches, and perpetuating the attitude that the church exists for "church people" will result in the same discouraging results we are seeing today.

Recently I was at a church where a pastor friend of mine used a great deal of "Christian jargon". I know this pastor has a tremendous heart for people outside of the church, but his practices communicated that church exists for church people who know the insider vocabulary. As it was bugging me (which I know is my own sin issue), I was tempted to give up on trying to influence him otherwise. I excused it saying, "that's just his style", but I was struck with the very challenging fact that to give up could result in yet another church drifting into it's comfort zone with comfortable Christians. We talk about sharing the good news of Jesus and people applaud, but when changes are made to help us better share the gospel the feedback is of a different nature.

What will the uphill battle take? What will those revolutionaries have to endure to see the sparks ignite?

A number of years ago, I remember hearing a pastor of a new church that was effectively impacting its city say that their effectiveness was linked to really getting back to the gospel and repenting of their indifference for the world around them. At the time, I thought, "yeah that's good, but what does that even mean?" Since then I've had a number of experiences that help me see what he was talking about, or at least what I think he was talking about. The future of the church and it's impact in the world is directly connected to our understanding of the pure essence of the gospel. The challenge is getting at the pure essence of the gospel. When you think about how churches handle the gospel, there is so much added to it. A few examples: I remember hearing an individual say, "can a democrat even be a true believer." A friend of mine in college was perplexed and concerned after a trip to Nepal. He was so concerned about these people who hadn't heard the message of Jesus and asked one of his favorite college professors how to handle this. The professor's response was, "good thing we don't have to worry about it". A popular pastor prescribing that Christians never dabble in yoga, lest they invite little demons into their life. These examples share a common thread, an enculturated gospel, a gospel of Jesus and....(political views, entitlement and judgement, separatist world views, etc...)

Another illustration came from a recent conversation with a friend who spent several years in West Africa. He was describing the polygamist practices in Mali. He said the men take several wives because of the work load of their agrarian lives (the wives do most of the work). He told me of several families that had come to know Jesus and started participating in the Mali church. Knowing how many of our stateside churches would handle a polygamist family attending their church, I was curious to know how the church in Mali handled this. His answer was simple, it's a non issue. Coming to Christ is a free invitation that required no jumping of cultural hurdles. This practice, polygamy may change in future generations as generations of Jesus followers abandon the practice, but coming to know Jesus doesn't first require the jumping of cultural barriers. The gospel is truly being presented as an invitation to people right where they are at.

So, back to the pastor, the talk I didn't really get, and the discussion of igniting fires of revolution within existing churches. The call of this revolution is simple and yet I believe it will be a battle. The call is to simply present the true gospel (let's call it Jesus 1.0) less all it's cultural baggage and first let it impact our own lives in a way that creates a tremendous sense of urgency. Jesus' gospel is an invitation to follow Him, find forgiveness, and be invited into a life changing eternity with God that starts now.

The call also means that we reflect Jesus in the way we invite others into this life changing eternity. Jesus left heaven and his perfect relationship with God to become one of us. Jesus, the Godman was sent and made His dwelling with us. That same kind of sending is what God is calling us to. To go into the world (not staying inside the church doors) and dwell with people, living the goods news and sharing the good news.

Let me give you a couple examples of people living this out, so that you can see what this looks like...and how easy it could be:

Family number 1 has extended family and friends who don't know Jesus and are not comfortable stepping foot into a church. Dad is an elder at his church and tattoo artist. Seeing people who are far from Jesus and opportunities to care for them, they step down from leadership in order to open their schedules and home to people who are seeking and questioning.

Family number 2 decides to wake up early on a chilly Saturday morning to make breakfast burritos, meet up with friends and deliver said burritos to the homeless. 57 burritos are delivered along with hot coffee, and an eternal impact is made on their children in teaching them how to think outside of themselves to care for others.

A man at our church here in Seattle, after hearing and considering the story of the Good Samaritan, feels compelled to go out and search for people who need shelter, food, or medical attention. He goes out daily during the week to help those in need. He tried to get help from the church, and only one person offered to occasionally help with vehicles.

A local doctor has a vision to extend his knowledge and gifts to people in need. He starts a free medical clinic within a church with little recognition.

These people are revolutionaries. They are seeking to extend God's love outside of the walls of the church.

Imagine for a moment the impact of existing churches turning the corner and using their strengths, assets, people for the sake of the world. Dream of the impact of abandoning our comfortable traditions and truly seeking to exist to present Jesus to the World. Conceive of churches restructuring around the idea of existing for people outside the church and willingly letting go of how this challenges their preferences.

I'm not sure what to call this one...

Hello Everyone!!

So, I just got back from a pastor's renewal retreat in Cannon Beach. I know. It sounds "pastor-y", and it was. I kind of had a little panic attack the first night. First of all, we had about a 9 hour drive (from Wenatchee), so we walked in late to the speaker. And it was crowded. So we climbed over this one guy to find seats. I was wearing my Michelin Tire Man coat, but it was too crowded to take it off without elbowing everyone around me in the face, so I kept it on and became very claustrophobic. So, I started panicking! I got all hot and squirmy in my seat, and totally resisted the urge to bolt out of there! That's what happens to me at conferences like that! What's my deal? Talking with any of these people one on one is perfectly fine and comfy! And I knew a lot of them...and they are all awesome people! But, you put a bunch of pastors in a group and it stresses me out. Anywho, that doesn't have anything to do with anything. Except that the time away allowed me the space to make a couple of realizations.

First of all, the speaker was Ruth Haley Barton. She is the author of "Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership". Now, this might come as a surprise to many of you, but I haven't read the book. Probably because the title is "Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership"...and I don't know really what that means, and I'm not really in leadership. However, she was inspiring (and a little intimidating)! But, she had us take this test to draw attention to the state of our souls that asked questions like: Do you find yourself hiding from people that you run into in the grocery store?...Do you find yourself using escapist behaviors like mindless television? Do you find that you are easily irritated? And we had to check off Always, Often, Sometimes, Rarely, Never. I have to say...most of my answers (out of about 20) were in the "always" to "often" range! So, as we sat there and analyzed my little test, my first realization of the week was: MY SOUL IS SCREWED!! Now, I'm not sure what to do about this yet (as I was barfing the next day when she gave us the "what to do about your screwed up soul" talk)...but I plan on looking into and working on the health of my soul...I guess its a starting point to just know, right? Rather than to go on wondering why you're so worn down, yelling at bad drivers and my children, hiding from people in grocery stores then coming home to veg out to Spongebob Squarepants! So...more to come on that journey!

The second realization came on the 9 hour drive to the beach. I was talking to Micah and I realized (and verbalized) I don't know who I am up here in Seattle. I'm just DOING some stuff, some of it intentionally, but mostly just doing...And, it's a weird place to be. But, not only that, I also find myself fighting against people's expectations of who they think I should be. Here's some examples:

"Are you going to the women's Bible Study?"

"There's a great Sunday School class for you and Micah to go to..."

"Why isn't your child in Sunday School? Does he want to go to Sunday School? Would you like me to show you where his Sunday School is?"

"Do you go to B.S.F (Bible Study Fellowship)?"

The answer to all these is NO!! I am not interested in women's bible studies or MOMS groups...I hate BSF...I am not interested in Sunday school and if my children aren't either, I don't blame them and won't make them go! But so far, I have been afraid to say so. And instead, I'm glad I have an excuse not to attend! I'm even hesitant to help with worship because I think it furthers the "box" that people put me in as a pastors wife. The fact is, for some reason, God has chosen to use my openness, my honesty, my humor, my openness of my unlimited number of shortcomings and even my contempt of "church-y" things to draw people in to a relationship with Jesus.

Please understand, I DO think that there is a place for women's bible studies and I've seen MOMS groups change entire families. (I'm not too sure about BSF or Sunday school though as I think it is a way to "hoarde" or "quarantine" mature Christians and keep them from engaging with people who might be far from God). I'm just pretty sure that is not what God has called ME to. And believe me, I've tried and even led them. I believe that God is graciously using my shortcoming and the crazy way He's put me together to show those who might not know the grace of Jesus that He not only loves and accepts the extremely imperfect, He uses them to break down barriers, to blow away expectations and prejudices, and to further His Kingdom.

The New Year?

Well, Happy New Year!

As I write this we are driving back from Great Wolf Lodge.It was supposed to be a "celebratory destination" for our house selling and the end to all the transition stuff... But, since our house STILL hasn't closed (we're hoping it'll close at some point in 2011), it was a Christmas present....we had a blast!! It was so very nice to get away and just play with our kids. I think we all needed that. There's something about just playing with our kiddos that refuels me and helps me appreciate each of them where they are at. I also realized how perfect God's plan is even when we think "oh...woops".

Here's what I mean: Micah and I were married for a mere 5 months before we found ourselves pregnant with our 1st baby...EJ. (Keep in mind that at this point, I think I still had Micah convinced that I didn't fluff or stink or poop. Or I had myself convinced that Micah was convinced...so barfing my guts out and trying to squeeze so as not to fluff which only resulted in a super high squeaking noise, kind of shattered the dainty persona I was trying to create). Yeah. I barfed for 9 months with that guy. But, here's the woops. For those of you who don't know me, or might not know...my first 2 children, EJ and Hannah, are 11 months apart. (If you're not very good at math...that means that I was pregnant again when EJ was 2 months old) I guess I didn't think that was a possibility. WOOPS!...As you might have read 2 sentences ago, I BARFED FOR 9 MONTHS so I was super scared about going through all that again, and I cried for a part of that day. Don't get me wrong...I firmly believe that every child is a miracle, and I NEVER think that children are accidents...just unexpected surprises. And I KNOW that I am so blessed to have each and every one of them, And I wouldn't ever want to change anything. At the time, though, I was scared and a little embarassed (I told Micah not to tell anyone for a while because I was afraid that they would think that THAT's all we did...you know, since we didnt have a TV). BUT, I had 2 babies...11 months apart. And after Hannah, I thought I was doing pretty good once 2 months passed and I wasn't pregnant and then every following month that I wasnt pregnant...and then came Zeke! A little less than 3 years later. Which, in comparison seemed like a huge gap!

Anywho, as I stood huffing and puffing at the top of 5 flights of stairs at Great Wolf Lodge this week, waving to the 3 of them riding the "Howling Tornado" together, I realized how what might seem to me like an "oops" was God's provision for my children. This transition to Seattle has seemed long and lonely at times. And on certain days, my heart breaks for my kid's loneliness and longing for friends...but 13 years ago, God knew what the plan was today, and gifted us accordingly. While it is important for my kids to have friends outside of the family, God first gave them each other.And maybe during this season, that is the most important lesson to be learning.

Christmas 2010.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

OK. I just want to show off my cutie kiddos...and the fun that they found in their stockings! We sent them on a scavenger hunt to find their final "big" present...here's how it went.

Opening Stockings:

FINDING THEIR NEXT CLUE...

CLUE #3!!

CLUE #4

CLUE #5

CLUE #6

YAY!! A trip to Great Wolf Lodge is in our future!! We promised the kids we'd do something fun when all the stress of the house was over and done. And, our house is supposed to close at the beginning of this week. SO, Yahoo!! Time to celebrate and leave the difficulties of this year behind us and look forward to the exciting things ahead!! And I will try to keep you all posted more frequently...it's my New Years Resolution, if that makes you feel any better. Oh. And here is some more Christmas pictures of my kiddos, I just think they're so cute.

WATCHING THE SUN SET ON CHRISTMAS DAY...

So, That's what happened with us...I'm also not sure why my lettering turned blue. But...whatevs. Merry Christmas!!

HELLOOOO!!

HELLOOOO!!

Wow. It's REALLY been a while since my last blog. But, I have some pretty good excuses. First, we moved. And, that's exhausting. Second, we didn't have internet for what seemed like a long time and now that we finally do, we don't have a wireless router so I need to blog in the office, where, OH YEAH! I don't yet have a desk! So, here I sit in my circle-y chairs, balancing my laptop on my lap while trying to stay connected!!

Anywho, I'll get down to the nitty gritty. As you may have read, we had an offer on our house back in September. It took the bank 45 days to even assign a negotiator, and now we are scheduled to close on or before the 23rd of December. I know that seems like a very brief summary. And it is. To go into detail on the craziness that this whole short sale process has been (not to mention all my feelings, emotions and life lessons that I'd need to share), would be stinkin' long. It would also require me to remember a lot, and I'm just not super good at that. So, yahoo!! I can't quite put in words how excited and ready I am to be done with the whole process!!

What I DO want to share is everything that's been happening in the mean time! We have been blown away by the warm welcome and generosity from the people at North Seattle Alliance. But, I have to let you in on a little secret. I don't know if its a phobia? or a prejudice? Or a combo of both...a phobjudice? I don't know. But, it's against old people. They scare me. I've had so many encounters with them saying off the wall, hurtful things, that this phobjudice is not unfounded. Also, they drive bad and are a cause of a lot of serious vehicle injuries. Anywho, all that to say, NSA is very gray. HOWEVER, I have been so blown away by their warm welcome of my family, their kindness, and their generosity that I'm starting to think that God might have brought me here to teach me a little somethin' instead of bringing us up here to school them. You know, things I might need to practice more of...like grace and patience? And other things like the importance that everyone, in spite of age or race, plays in furthering his Kingdom? Hmmm... it makes you think. I'll keep you posted on my old people fears. Oh. And don't judge me. Micah fears middle aged women...he also has good reason.

So, for those of you who wonder, our family is adjusting. My kids still haven't found good friends, and that makes me sad. But, they've started swimming, youth group and other stuff. So, we're hoping for some "friend" opportunities! OR "friendtunities".

I do miss all you guys down in the "Couv". I feel like no one up here really gets my jokes. And for those of you who know me at all...that's very important to me. I don't expect others to be funny...just to laugh at (or with) me. At the appropriate times. At the appropriate decibel level. But that's pretty much the only requirement I have for a friend...laugh. Oh, and don't say mean things to me. And if you do, don't be all mad if I punch you in the ovaries. That's all. I miss laughing with all of you. And I miss the serious stuff too.

New House!

I never know how to start these stinkin' blogs. I feel like I should hook you with something catchy, but WE FOUND A HOUSE!! YAY!!

We've been up and back from Seattle for Micah's job quite a bit lately. And every time, we try to squeeze in some appointments to look for rentals. And every time, I come home so depressed! The houses that we were looking at were soo crappy! We did find one that could have worked, but Micah was super grossed out by the kitchen (I was too, I just think paint fixes everything). It was super grimy (to the touch...ew.). The fridge was in this sawed out hole in the wall of what must have been the pantry, and sat about 2 feet up off of the floor with a big ol' creepy gap above it (it looked like mice, rats and spiders would be very comfy up there). But, it had a pool AND a hot tub, which was a huge selling point for my kiddos (and me, to be honest). But, it was so green and full of algae, that if they jumped (or fell) in, we'd never see them again! What is up with me and loving gross old houses? Because I really do. This house was like ours BEFORE all the work we did on it. Micah talked me out of that one, though. And it was the only one I kind of liked. After that, we went on to look at 4 more. 2 of which were still occupied by tenants. Here's a little tidbit: When people are renting, they don't clean up before people come to look through. Why would they? So, we found ourselves climbing over people's boxes and laundry to poke around THEIR house. It was really quite awkward. But, what makes it depressing is coming home to my own house after those unsuccessful house hunts. It brings up all those feelings of giving everything up. And I have to make that choice all over again. It's hard and it's depressing.

In fact, when we got back from this particular trip, I had a little melt down. I was done looking for houses. I was done trying to move. I was done giving up everything in my life and, at the time I was done being in ministry. It is too hard. But, don't worry. It doesn't end there. I say these things, then God does some stuff in me to help me see things a little more clearly.

As I was throwing in the towel, it hit me again how stinkin' wishy washy I am. Just 2 days before, as we were stressing about money for kid's clothes, etc., a friend of ours just showed up at the door with a little gift that his father-in-law (who we don't really know that well) wanted to give us. There is no question that that is God's provision. Because we've seen God work like this over and over again. And I am first to give God credit for these provisions. But, I am also so quick to forget when times get really frustrating. I had just shared this little story with someone Sunday morning, and by Sunday night was throwing in the towel on ministry. That's a problem. And it made me realize that I've made this transition harder on myself. I've not pursued my relationship with God, I've let it go. I can't help but think that had I remembered how He has shown up every time we've needed something, then when times got really frustrating and hard I would have that to hold on to, to remember, and to look for. I just chose not to remember. And that filled this transition with a whole heck of a lot of doubt and questioning rather than just waiting and getting to see how God works this stuff out.

A couple of years ago, I went through this little thing called focused living. It's pretty intense. I spent 3 days with 5 women in a hotel room going through this program in which you write down your whole life line on sticky notes with every memory you can remember, good or bad. Then you put those in order, along with some other stuff, and you see God's thumbprint on your life, what your gifts might be and how God might want to shape your future. Anyways, that's the super tiny nutshell version...not the point. The point is, going through that was the first time that I felt OK with who God had made me. Because he had a purpose for me, and I didn't have to be any one else. The way He shaped my life was specific to a purpose he had given me. I think that He created me to be a little goofy and wild, a little "outside the box", a "loose cannon" (as Micah says), for the purpose that He's laid out for both Micah and I. What does this have to do with anything? While I was going through my little tantrum and wanting to throw in the towel, I had 2 very good friends going through focused living at the same time. Both of which came over, and both of which God used to remind me of the purpose he's given me and how fortunate I am to live out that purpose with Micah.

Maybe some of you are feeling sorry for Micah right now? Because I'm so wishy washy? And sometimes don't want to do churchy stuff anymore? You probably should. I did. I realized too, that every time I threaten to quit, it's a blow to him and not only his career choice, but the life that God has called him to. Its like saying I no longer want to support what he is doing, and he can go it alone. And that was never the wife I intended to be. Micah is my best friend. I love that guy so stinkin' much and have the utmost respect for the man and the leader that he is to me, to my family and to the people around him. He is amazing. And, for whatever reason, he loves me and is incredibly patient with me. I think that God allowed me to be hit pretty hard with the truth of what my words might do to Micah's heart. And it made me sad. But, it also gave me hope. Because I see now what I am doing and the hurt that I am causing. But I am more hopeful because my God is a God that you can come back to and start over with...and so is my husband. Just so you all know, in case you're worried about us...don't be. Or do be. At least be worried enough to continue to pray for us. I think that Satan would love to yoink us apart. And, apparently I'm an easy target.

ANYWHO! Back to the house thing. Yes. We found one. After "the meltdown" we went back up to go house hunting 2 days later. After being frustrated every time we had been looking, we prayed and asked God for some clarity. And KaBLAM. The first house we looked at was hopeful and really quite beautiful. There were so many things that were perfect for our family...a huge kitchen (all 5 of us cook together sometimes and it gets kinda crowded), 4 bedrooms (the boys can't share a room...they're like oil & water), off of the interurban trail that runs from Everett through Seattle (we run...and bike), new construction (no fix ups!), and across the cul de sac from a Wetlands area! Looks like we're moving in November 1! Woohoo.

As far as what's up with the sale of our house, can we catch up next blog? It's a long story and a total pain in my bumcakes.

Next time...